I cry for the love I had to give up. I cry for the longing I have in my heart. I cry for the future that holds no joy for me. I cry and I wonder how I...can go on feeling this way, lost and alone. I cry, with the knowing that I am lost, confused and alone. Each day I cry. Each day I worry. I worry that I can and will not make it. That I will attempt something irrational. That I will give in and surrender to my sorrow, my pain, my sadness. To take the cowards way out, the easy way out, the wrong. It has even become socially acceptable to do it in public so you see it at the office or even on the sidewalks. Some women want to do it in a private setting and a few even want you to do it in a glass and give it to them to drink without direct personal involvement. As there are many more women than men now, we men are getting exhausted keeping up with our responsibilities of making babies and saving the lives of the women. We are a white couple in out late twenties. As I write this letter my. "Mark, are you still there? You haven't said a thing," she abruptly queried, evidently scared that I got bored with her chatter and bolted."Yep. Afraid so. Are you okay, Nin? You sound a little frightened," I asked her in turn."I think that would be a good description. I'm in the mens' stall in the dark, with a weird guy standing outside who has a reputation and stares at my ass whenever he doesn't think I'm watching him. Not to mention that I'm drunk, horny, and don't even know where the sink. That last moment in that town when I had run out of choices and was bursting from hiding with no thought but to take someone with me and then standing in shock as the cavalry arrived. The nights of kneeling by Mary's hospital bed, praying desperately for my daughter's life and then feeling her fingers touch my hair and her whispered "Mamma?".I reached down with my left hand and touched the other book where it snuggled in another side pocket. I thought of another old saying I had always loved..
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